How to Make New Nepal

How to Make New Nepal

Here are a few suggestions on how to make new Nepal.

1) If you are in front of computer right now, find and replace all the words "Nepal" with "New Nepal" (or "NewNepal" or "New-Nepal" or "nu Nepal" or even "knew Nepal"). For best results, it is recommended to use an open source software such as OpenOffice. As always, backup previous data.

2) If you are into design and arts, use your favorite image editor such as Photoshop or Gimp to select Nepal from the world map. Nepal is small, so be careful, especially at the borders when selecting. Now you can paste it anywhere in the world map. Or even better, open a new file and paste Nepal there. Save it as "New Nepal" and there you have it.

3) If you are into science and chemistry stuff, you should have no problem with the next one. Initially we had Ne-P-Al. These are nothing but atomic symbols of Neon (Ne), Phosphorus (P), and Aluminum (Al) respectively. Now we will slowly add "N-E-W" to our "Ne-P-Al". Again the "N-E-W" are the atomic symbols of Nitrogen (N), Einsteinium (E), and Tungsten (W). Some of these elements are hyperactive or even radioactive. Adult supervision is needed for children. Also these experiments tend to be unpredictable and hence not advisable for very senior citizens either. Stories of successful experiments have been reported to produce new Nepal this way.

4) If you are into programming, let's say Java or C++ programming, the "new" function already exists. Just like you can create new instance of current date with the function new Date(); you can try to create new instance of current Nepal with the function new Nepal(); this method is recommended for programming gurus only since the new Nepal thus created is known to have serious memory allocation issues.

5) Literally, new also means fresh. So we will learn the recipe on how to make a fresh Nepal. First take a slice of Nepal. Rinse thoroughly in clean water several times till it is free from all the dirt. Add some fresh garnishes or toppings onto the Nepal according to your flavor. Fresh Nepal is ready. Serve chilled.

6) Well if you want more, hopefully you can find them online. Use your favorite search engine such as Google or Yahoo to search for how to make new Nepal.

P.S (Not to be taken too seriously!)

Story of the Ant & the Grasshopper

Story of the Ant & the Grasshopper

Well this is just a forwarded message. But I found it so funny - had to put it online. Just to make it clear that this is not an attempt to criticize anybody personally! Have fun.

OLD VERSION STORY

The ant works hard in the scorching heat all summer building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION STORY

The ant works hard in the scorching heat all summer, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving and calls for a Nepal Bandh with "Chakka Jaam (interrupt vehicle movement)" and lots of "tire burning" to protest this "Soshan (domination)".

Kantipur TV, Image TV and Nepal 1 TV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The nation is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so much?

The great Civil Society of Nepal steps in and stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house and a concerned group goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Ban Ki Moon, the eighth Secretary General of the UN, criticizes the Nepal Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support to poor grasshoppers.

Immediately laws are tabled to prevent Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the "Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Nepal Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by all TV and media.

Everyone hails it as "a triumph of justice and revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden". Ban Ki Moon invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

End of the story of great justice done to the Grasshopper.

Seriously - no offense for anybody!

By the way there's this site called citesnepal focussing in wildlife conservation if anybody is interested. Ironically the banner in Maitighar with "Stop the Monkey Business" to prevent the export of monkeys in American labs for research has been torn apart. Someone from the monkey business perhaps tore it. Or some monkey who really wanted to go to the labs in USA tore it.

EXCLUSIVE! Scientists prove Existence of UFO & Aliens

EXCLUSIVE! Scientists prove Existence of UFO & Aliens

The mystery is finally over! The rumours are true. In what could be the greatest discovery by mankind thus far, an independent group of 12 scientists searching for the possibility of extraterrestrial life have managed to catch the till now hypothetical UFO spacecraft, along with two dead alien beings.



In this historical day led by the American scientist Albert Michelson and German scientist Tycho Brahe the team managed to trap the UFO by creating a radioactive spot in Vancouver Island of Canada. "We are extremely excited about all this", says Brahe. After all the studies within the past five years we have managed to prove the existence of the extraterrestrial life. "And the amazing part is", continues Michelson, "they might not be as strong or powerful as we initially expected. They are different than us no doubt, but definately not more powerful."

The international media has not yet been called upon as they are still busy assembling some of the pieces dropped from the UFO first. But some photographs were released earlier.



It turned out to be quite easy in the end. Once we found out that each of their spaceship worked on a different mathematical algorithm for traveling, it was all about breaking those secret codes to pull them wherever we wanted.

"It would have been more interesting if we got them alive", says Steve James one of the team members among the 12 scientists. "The first impression we get is that they are more closer to human race than some robot like creatures".

The press is expected to be invited within next 24 hours.

Click Here to See the Secret Codes Used by the Scientists.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY ;-)

COOL THINGS TO SAY IN YOUR OFFICE

COOL THINGS TO SAY IN YOUR OFFICE

Long time no blog!

1. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
   
2. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
4. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
5. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
6. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
7. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
8. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
11. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
12. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Thank you, we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!!!
28. Are you Serious???

Cartoon and Controversy

Cartoon and Controversy

There's this little joke that's quite popular among the kids here. it goes something like this-

There are three kids in the stage. one starts to beat the other. the third one then asks "why are you hitting him?". To this the first kid replies- "three months ago, he said that i am a pig". The third boy asks again "if he said that three months ago, why are you hitting him now?". The first boy then says - "i knew what a pig means only this morning!"

Actually this joke has nothing to do with the ongoing cartoon row. Its just that when you're looking at things from a safer side, even the biggest problems seem so simple, whereas its not as simple on the spot. Coz if they were there would be no problems at all!

This also reminds me of an the terrible incident here couple years back when twelve hostages from here were killed by the Iraqi militants, who got there through a manpower company here. It obviously was a shocking event, but what followed was even more shocking. The next day, within few hours the whole manpower companies here were attacked, the Muslims here were attacked and even the media houses were attacked and the city looked like a warzone for several hours. Then it was quiet.

Also reminds me of the the recent Paris riot incidents which went on for several days after the death of an ethnic minority person. That again went on and on like there was it would never stop.

In all these cases, or other similar cases, more often than not there is not a single motto for what's happening around. Mostly there are the 'dissatisfied groups' and then there are the few catalyst factors that are no good for anyone. What happened here or what happened in Paris or what's happening around the world now wouldn't have been so serious if there weren't such people who had nothing more to do than the 'East Vs West' kind of attitude. For most of us, no Islam is bad, no Christian is bad, no Hindu, no Buddhist, no nothing is bad, its all the attitude of some of the people, fuckin attitude that's taking the world apart..to a dark future.



Well enough of the rubbish thoughts! May be some more cartoon this time...the less controversial ones!

A Forwarded Mail

A Forwarded Mail

I'm not a fan or forwarded mails or politics. but looks like both of these combined can have nice humour sometimes. well at least this time.

The Players:

* Hu Jintao is the new chief of the Communist Party in China;

* Kofi Annan is Secretary-General of the United Nations;

* Condolessa Rice is the American National Security Advisor;

* George W. Bush is President of the United States.


The Scene:
We take you now to the Oval Office. George Bush is meeting with Condolessa Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Well what if the politicians were really like this!

On the other note though, today marks the birthdate of Louis Braille, the man behind the braille representation, which became the standard and revolution for the visually impaired. even google has its name brailed for this day. here's for the tribute to the man himself

Good Ole Joke :)

Good Ole Joke :)

Don't remember where i got it from but this was freakin funny the last time i read...& couldn't stop laughing this time either..

#In the beginning was the computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#You have not signed on yet. :God

#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Technocrat.
#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again!
:Create light.
#Done.
:Run heaven and earth.
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and
#Unrecognizable command! Try again!
:Create firmament.
#Done.
:Run firmament.
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in string specification! Try again.
:Create dryland.
#Done!
:Run dryland.
#And God created Earth and Seas. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.
#Unspecified type. Try again!
:Create sunmoonstars.
#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54:00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish.
#Done.
:Create fowl.
#Done.
:Run fish'nfowl.
#And God created the great seamonsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every
winged fowl after its kind. 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle.
#Done.
:Create creepy things.
#Done.
:Now let us make man in our image.
#Unspecified type! Try again.
:Create man.
#Done.
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.
#Too many command operands! Try again.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden.
#Error: File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Gard.En.
#Done.
:Move man to Gard.En.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man.
#Illegal parameters. Try again!
:Insert man into woman.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire.
#Done.
:Run multiplication.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill.
#Done.
:Run freewill.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire.
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help!
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create Treeofknowledge.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good'nevil.
#Done.
:Activate evil.
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning: System error in sector E95. Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
#1 errors.
:Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Man'nwoman cannot be located. Try again!
:Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Search failed.
:Delete shame.
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
:Stop!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE SIGN OFF.
:Create new world.
#You have exceeded your allotted file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth.
#Destroy earth. Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed.
#COMPUTER DOWN. COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY MARCH 8 AT 6:00 A.M. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!
#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#And God saw that he had zero funds remaining.


Also there was this site http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm where there are all jokes related to professions! cooool..

Free Books!!!

Free Books!!!

Here're some funny definations from 'The Devil's Dictionary'
************************************************************************

CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be
kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

This is a dog,
This is a cat.
This is a frog,
This is a rat.
Run, dog, mew, cat.
Jump, frog, gnaw, rat.

Elevenson

************************************************************************

GREAT, adj.

"I'm great," the Lion said -- "I reign
The monarch of the wood and plain!"

The Elephant replied: "I'm great --
No quadruped can match my weight!"

"I'm great -- no animal has half
So long a neck!" said the Giraffe.

"I'm great," the Kangaroo said -- "see
My femoral muscularity!"

The 'Possum said: "I'm great -- behold,
My tail is lithe and bald and cold!"

An Oyster fried was understood
To say: "I'm great because I'm good!"

Each reckons greatness to consist
In that in which he heads the list,

And Vierick thinks he tops his class
Because he is the greatest ass.

Arion Spurl Doke

************************************************************************
Thanks Project Gutenberg for the nice online downloadable books. they have thousands of books online. now THAT is a nice site (though i want to see more books)

i also found a nice site for Nepali books (& Indian as well) at pilgrimsbooks.com, but for buying only (boo!). at least u can check the titles if not buy!